Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
