I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
In America we eat man semen.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize