Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
