i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize