Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
