I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
