I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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