Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
that may or may not have been my penis.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize