I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
