i jhust puked up my retainher.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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