A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
