Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
