I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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