Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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