last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
