AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
