duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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