I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
