Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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