he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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