Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
