What a fucking waste of an outfit
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
