She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
