Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
