she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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