"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
50% drunk capacity currently
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
