I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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