Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
