You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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