did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
