I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
