Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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