so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
