I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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