i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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