I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize