just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
