A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
