The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
