Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
