guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will be naked everywhere
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
