He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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