why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
