Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
