I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
