I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
