Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
