I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
