she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize