I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize