No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
