my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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