why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
