I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
