he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
