we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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