This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
