Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you will always have a special place in my vag
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
