Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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