so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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