It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
