worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
