i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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