I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
