If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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