that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
