I'm so fucking centered right now
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize