we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
did i just pee glitter
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
