I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
