a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
