She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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