Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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