she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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