Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
