I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize