The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
