also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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