When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
