It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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