he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
