We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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