This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
