"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
