I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Less talking, more tequila
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize