A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
