put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
