I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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