I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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