walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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