thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's official drugs can't kill me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
