I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
