hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
