I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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