he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I could fuck to npr.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
