These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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