I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
