i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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