Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
