11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
