I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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