I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
